(Part two)
This is part two of a three part series.
Even though there is no work in the morning, our friend said that she had something to do, so we got up and went to her new house, had breakfast with her family, and hung out for the rest of the day. I waited a bit and said, “I should go. I have stayed here too long.” She responded with “Why? We’ll go out together when the sun sets a little later.” I agreed and told her “If that’s the case, let me sleep for a bit.” She showed me to one of the bedrooms. After a little while, she came back into the bedroom and laid down next to me. She leaned in and hugged me, and I just kept looking at her. I whispered, “Kiss me”. Her face turned red, and she looked so confused. I then kissed her but she didn’t respond. She resisted for a bit then kissed me back. After that, it didn’t seem like she wanted to stop.
And occasionally, fearing gossip, she began to try dating other men. I tried to deal with my jealousy and the neglect I was feeling. The pressure from society wasn’t something she could handle.
We started spending more time together and became even more close. As if our lives depended on it, we wouldn’t let a day pass without meeting each other. We just couldn’t get enough of each other. In the meantime, I received a letter stating that I had been transferred to another office. After we got out of work and gathered with our other friends, drinking tea, I told them that I was about to change offices. “What!” she exclaimed. I casually said, “It’s only a taxi ride away, it’s not that far.” But she left us, crying. I was caught off guard because I didn’t expect that reaction. Everyone stared at me, but I shrugged my shoulders and said nothing. After a while, I said goodbye to everyone and went home. I called her that evening and asked, “Are you feeling calmer now?”. She responded, “I’m fine. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight.” I joked “It’s no problem. I just didn’t realize you’d miss me this much.” She laughed. “My uncle was mocking me asking if I was in a fight with my husband,” she said. When I asked her “What did you say?” she said, “I told him it was practically the same thing!” I changed the topic, and we kept on talking. She has a boyfriend. Because I didn’t know what to do about it, I just pretended like I didn’t understand. But we would have long phone conversations every day. As much as we can, we have lunch together. Slowly, I fell for her. I really didn’t understand what I could do about it though.
After some time, she broke up with her boyfriend. And we kept spending a lot of time together. She doesn’t want other people there when we meet, she only wants to meet me alone. We talk in detail about our days and nights. She got transferred into my office and even became like family. We would find excuses to constantly spend the night at each other’s family homes. In the meantime, her mother was about to leave the country for work, and since she is the eldest of the children, her mom asked me to check on them occasionally. I agreed.
Even though we spent almost all our time together, we didn’t get tired of each other. We spent our days and nights together, yet still couldn’t separate from one another. The way she looked at me softened my heart. She is a lover. Confused about what we are to each other, we still had not labeled our relationship. I’ve never told her I loved her; she doesn’t say it either. Our eyes can’t hide the truth though, and so without us saying anything, our colleagues started noticing and gossiping about us. Our biggest opposition was our mutual friend. Through all of this, I didn’t accept myself; same with her. We entered a crisis full of confusion. We couldn’t separate. They wouldn’t say anything to me, but they would shame her, she’d get angry then I’d get angry. What do we do?
On one end, I get scared that I have disappointed my creator and pray. I don’t want my family to see me like this and be saddened over me but losing her is a very hard thing for me. It’s just unbelievable, it’s the first time I had been through something like this. The fact that we are together most of the time without anyone else fuelled the gossip. Everyone was talking about us. But we were lost in our own world. When the gossip went through the roof, and when the way our colleagues looked at us changed, we started having internal conflicts and being unable to understand each other. And occasionally, fearing gossip, she began to try dating other men. I tried to deal with my jealousy and the neglect I was feeling. The pressure from society wasn’t something she could handle. On the other hand, both of us were scared to accept ourselves. It was hard, and I couldn’t confidently say “no”. I didn’t know what to say to convince her. When I grew silent, she would grow sad. When I ask her why, she asks me “How about the gossip?” Sometimes she cries while kissing me.
To be continued …
