I didn’t learn to accept myself overnight. For a long time, I felt like a sinner, convinced that Jesus was angry with me and ready to punish me. I cried often and begged God to make me “normal.” My turning point came when I knelt down to pray, crying and asking God to change me into a straight person. I thought that if my feelings didn’t change, it would mean I had His blessing. I waited for a while, hoping things would be different, but I was still queer and still attracted to the same sex. That’s when I realized that God doesn’t make mistakes and that I’m perfectly fine just as I am.

After I accepted myself a few years ago, I was surprised to see how many others still struggle with acceptance, thinking they are sinners. I have friends who have been in relationships for two or three years, yet they still act like their situation is temporary, as if they’re waiting for God to rescue them. I even joke with them, asking if they’re looking for a written note from God to be who they are. It’s sad to watch them struggle, and no matter how much I try to reassure them that they’re okay, they just don’t believe me. I totally understand, though, because I felt the same way. I wouldn’t have listened to anyone who said Jesus accepted my sexuality. I felt dirty every time I was intimate with someone and tried to force myself to be attracted to the opposite gender, but it just didn’t work.

I had to learn how to accept myself and be okay with being queer. I listen when my friends share their doubts and they make jokes to lighten the mood, but it still makes me sad for them.

I wish there were more ways to help people accept themselves in front of God. My acceptance of myself as a queer Christian has changed my life. I no longer feel shame, and I’m genuinely happy. I wish everyone could experience this sense of peace.