Valentine’s Day is almost here, and my feelings are all over the place. I can’t wait to celebrate with my partner—giving her flowers, chocolates, and a little something special to show how much she means to me. We’ve got our own space where we can just be together, cook a nice dinner, and put on a movie that feels like us. I really want the day to be full of love and thankful moments for everything we’ve built.

But there’s this knot of worry, too. When I go to buy the flowers, I’ll have to lie about who they’re for. It’s not really seen as normal here for a woman to buy Valentine’s flowers—people expect you to receive them, not give them. I already imagine the looks I’ll get carrying them home, especially since we live together. Someone will probably ask, and I’ll have to make something up. It’s exhausting. I wish the day could just be about joy and appreciation, but instead, I’m carrying around this anxiety.

I wish I could love her openly, without second thoughts. But even though it’s hard, I hold tight to the happiness she gives me.

So here’s to us—Happy Valentine’s Day. I might not be able to celebrate the way I wish I could, but I’m still so grateful she’s in my life.