I’ve been feeling sadder while reflecting on the queer community and my experience in Ethiopia. After going through that hate campaign, I’ve noticed a lot of queer folks retreating back into the closet. It’s tough to see so many people who once embraced the community now choosing to distance themselves.

Many of my friends, who used to thrive in a larger queer circle, are now sticking to small groups because they just don’t feel safe anymore. The thought of going out feels risky; even having a beer or two can lead to letting their guard down, which might result in dancing or chatting in a way that could attract unwanted attention and homophobia. I get scared because I have seen that the smallest suspicion can result in being beaten up or being blackmailed. 

So, instead of hitting up the big gatherings, we’re hanging out at home or at a friend’s place. A few of us have started taking pottery classes and doing yoga together. It’s our way of trying to create a sense of community on a smaller scale. Choosing these quieter spaces gives us a little cover from the larger queer scene, making us feel less like targets.

I really miss the old days when we could just party, dance, and be our true selves without worrying. I remember feeling so free, surrounded by awesome people who understood me. 

Now, I find myself keeping to myself and avoiding most folks in the community. I’m clinging to the hope I have within my small circle of friends, but it’s hard. As homophobic as Ethiopia can be, I felt a sense of freedom back then—hiding in plain sight. Now, I feel like I’m really hiding, and it’s isolating. I hate this feeling.